Can't
by Lava Puppy
Summary: We opened a door the other night that neither of us wanted to walk through, Bones.” “Goodnight Booth. I- I hope I can see you again once or twice.” Booth and Bones come to terms with something that's been in between them, and it's killing them. SPOILERS
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones.

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"_We opened a door the other night that neither of us wanted to walk through, Bones." _

Time found Temperance Brennan sitting on the floor of the change room in her old high school gym. She had just danced with Booth. It was the single most memorable moment in her life, as far as she could remember.

And as Angela would put it, what Booth said was full of crap.

Temperance couldn't walk through Booth's proverbial door. Not because she didn't want to, she knew, because she wanted too. She really did. Because she didn't know how. She was a scientist. She lived on the facts; the cold, hard, truth.

Booth didn't. Not like she did. She could never be able to relate to him. She was far better with dead things, and people like Mr. Buxley, who shared her infamous love of the dead.

Her eyes slipped closed for a moment, and the washed out red and grey tiles and lockers were replaced with the image of her partner.

He was supposed to be her husband tonight. Bobby Kent. She snorted. What a stupid name. Seeley Booth did suit him much better.

She analyzed his look. His eyes, his strong jaw bone, and the shoulders. She had seen him without a shirt, and she knew he had impressive muscle mass. Very sculptured.

She couldn't be with him. She was just a...a...Morticia. Yes, that's what the other kids called her. Morticia.

She didn't know who it was at the time, but she had researched in last night, after she hung up with Angela.

She was just a Morticia and he was a sexy FBI agent who had all her former female classmates drooling over him.

She could never cross into that doorway.

She didn't know how.

She started as someone knocked on the door.

"Bones? You ok in there?" She put a hand to her face. It came away wet. She marveled at it for a moment, trying to remember when she had started crying.

"I-I'm ok Booth. Thank you. Be out in a moment." She hoped he hadn't caught that stammer, she thought, as she wiped her face and blotted cold water onto her swollen eyes. It wasn't too noticeable. She had plenty of experience with hiding tears.

Science and History wasn't the only things taught by her high school.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones.

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"_We opened a door the other night that neither of us wanted to walk through, Bones." _

He was talking lies, and he knew it.

Bones may not have wanted to walk over that threshold, but damn, he already had a foot in the door. That's why when he saw the tears subtly pooling in her eyes, and the soft _'This is the prom I never had' , _He knew he couldn't not give this to her; and so he danced with her. Not the stupid, prepubescent, arms length away dance he had tried to do earlier, mere minutes ago. He pulled her close and actually swayed with her.

This is how it should be.

The traitorous thought wouldn't leave him alone for the entire time he had her in his arms. He was close enough to smell the vanilla in her hair, and it was making his nose tingle.

It was over all too soon, and he felt empty as soon as she slipped from his arms. She smiled at him, and then whispered that she had to use the restroom.

He sat at a table covered in a sparkly table cloth, and waited.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

Her face, gazing up at the fake stars, tears in her eyes. She was beautiful. Smart to almost a fault, socially awkward, observant, and gutsy. She was Bones. She was his brown haired, blue eyed, fiery anthropologist.

And he wasn't going to be able to get over her easily. The date he had next week was a fluke. Just a rumor for Sweets to get excited about.

He opened his eyes and glanced at his watch, nearly choking on his own saliva.

It had been ten minutes. He would have chuckled at his ability to get lost in the daydream that was his Bones, but he was more freaked out about her absence. There was a killer on the loose and she was wandering around.

He got up and paced himself to the girls locker room on the other end of the gym, before rapping on the door and opening it a crack, just enough so he could hear and talk to the occupant on the other side.

"Bones? You ok in there?"

"I-I'm ok Booth. Thank you. Be out in a moment." And she was.

He looked over at her from his place, leaned against a wall. She was smiling at him a little, but he could see a thin red rim around her eyes.

Tears?

"Want some punch, now?" She asked, and he grinned, letting it slide for the moment.

"Has it been spiked?"

"Probably. My former classmates, especially the males, loved to do that. They probably haven't stopped just because they're supposed to be older and mature."

Booth chuckled.

He was stronger than many things out there, but he wasn't strong enough to get over Temperance Brennan.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones.

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"See you later sweetie! Bye Booth!" Angela called from their table.

Booth and Bones were the first to leave, Booth insisting that he needed the sleep and Bones said she hated getting intoxicated, and she was becoming a little tired herself.

They piled into his SUV, and he started up the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and driving down the road.

"That was some kind of speech earlier, Bones." He said, turning a corner. He had memorized the way to her apartment over the years.

Bones grinned.

"I am an author, Booth. Words are one of my specialties. Otherwise I wouldn't be a wealthy author." He chuckled.

"Not shy about that fact, are ya Bones?" She looked at him.

"Why should I be? It's the truth." He grinned. Bones would always be bones.

The song from the reunion came on, and they just sat in the dark of the SUV, listening. Neither one of them commented on it, but there was now a certain aura, a knowing in the space between them.

The melody and words continued, and Bones smiled softly, remembering the way they had actually danced, as if they had crossed that doorway and taken a chance to be together.

It had been so, irrational. That wanting to be with him. Her logic conflicted, and now she was left confused. So, so confused.

But it felt good anyway, and she tried not to linger on it.

"What are you smiling about over there, Bones?" She looked up, startled. Booth's eyes were twinkling, and he was grinning, eyebrow raised. She recognized her building, but couldn't remember when the car had stopped moving.

"I was just listening to the song." She didn't need to say which one. He apperantly already knew.

"Bones, 'That Song' finished two other songs ago. I've been waiting for you to snap out of it for almost ten minutes." She cleared her throat.

"I was thinking." She unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for her purse on the floor before getting out.

Booth quickly followed her.

"Thank you for the ride home, Booth." She was around the front of the car and nearly up the steps before he caught up to her.

"About what?" She continued at her pace up the steps, trying to get away so they would stop talking about the subject. Because she knew that if he kept pestering her, it was going to come out one way or the other and then the delicate balance they had created would fall to pieces and she would never see him again, because she can't change. He would ask the FBI to reassign him and that would be that. If he didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be able to find him. He might even stage his own death again, for all she knew.

"Nothing important." She had reached the door, and began rummaging in her purse for her key.

"Can't be that unimportant if your trying to get away from me like this." Booth's mind was swollen with curiosity and a small sliver of hope he couldn't seem to crush.

"It was nothing, Booth." Her purse wasn't even that big! How hard could it be to find it?!

Aha!

She pulled the small yellow item out and twisted it in it's lock. She dropped it back in her purse and twisted the knob, pulling a little as she spoke.

"Goodnight, Booth. Thank you for the-"

"Why won't you tell me, Bones? What could be that bad that you can't tell your partner?" he asked and she paused for a moment. If only he knew.

"I already told you, it's nothing." She pulled the door open a little farther, but Booth's hand forcefully pushed it back into the doorjam.

"That's bullshit, Bones, and you know it. What's the matter?" She turned, eyes narrowed.

"I'm going to assume you just used slang on me because I did not just in any way refer to bull feces, and I must assure you, I was being completely serious. It was nothing." She hissed, trying to yank the door open.

Booth's eyes narrowed a little, like they did when he was trying to figure something out. Something was bugging her, and she wasn't telling him. And she was trying to escape. Something was on her mind, it had to do with him, and she wouldn't tell him.

"What's bugging you Bones? It has to do with me- No, don't look at me like that I know it does- and you won't tell me. Why?" The flimsy illusion of control she had convinced herself she had broke when she heard the tone of his voice. Curiosity, but _knowing _at the same time. Like he knew what she was thinking, but wanted her to say it.

"You! You're on my mind! All the time you insolent, you obnoxious...you...you...You're always right there! Looking like you do and acting like you do! I can't...I can't..."

Booth's hand had dropped from the door, and his heart was beating so hard against his ribcage it was nearly knocking the wind out of him.

"You can't what, Bones?" he was nearly whispering in contrast to her almost yelling. Her eyes were wide, and nearly filling with tears, and her hands were waving in the air as she spoke.

"I can't change! I can't be what you need me to be! I don't know how to get through the door without hurting you! I'm not...I'm not the right type of girl for you. I'm not religious, I'm scientific, I don't believe in a god and I think your religion is ridiculous in some aspects. You're an amazing man with an amazing heart and jaw bones, and I'm just me. A Morticia. I can't change and I can't be enough for you and it's killing me to see you everyday and know that. I can't bend the facts even though their all there. I'm so sorry." By the time she was finished, she was breathing hard, watery eyes, and whispering.

Booth stared at her, mouth open a bit. She sighed shakily, and turned to open her door again.

"Goodnight Booth. I- I hope I can see you again once or twice." She said quietly, and he snapped out of her stupor, and grabbed her shoulder, ignoring the fact she could probably disable him.

"I- what are you talking about? See me again?" She didn't look up at him, instead studied the cement pad beneath them.

"I'm assuming you will ask to be reassigned from the Jeffersonian Institute. I have resigned myself to that fact." She said quietly.

He stared at her before he abruptly pulled her into his arms, laughing.

She stared up at him, incredulous.

"I- I don't understand. Why are you laughing?" She asked in confusion, looking mildly alarmed.

"I have waited for five long years to hear you say that. I have no idea where my jawbones come into it, but it doesn't matter. I've wanted you to say you want me since before I fired you in that bar. My god, Bones. I don't want to be reassigned."

"But I can't change. I don't-"

He didn't think. He clutched the back of her head and pulled her close, cutting her words off with his lips. She was shaking, and for a terrifying moment he thought she was going to push him away again until she wrapped her arms around his neck.

They went up for air after a moment or two, and he bent his forehead to rest on hers.

"I don't want you to change for me, Bones. I fell in love with the pretty, socially awkward, fact loving scientist that you are; not some catholic girl who can't name all the bones in the human body. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be standing here, holding you, kissing you. It's always been you, Bones. Just you. You've ruined me for every other woman out there."

Brown eyes were staring into blue ones, and suddenly Temperance understood the term 'Eye-Sex'.

As good an author as she was, she just couldn't find anything to say.

Seeing the hope drain from his eyes, she kissed him. She knew he was jumping to the conclusion that she didn't want him, so she reassured him in the first way that came to mind.

* * *

Seeley Booth did not go home that night.

Temperance Brennan did not have intercourse with her partner.

But they spent the entire night saying absolutely nothing at all, just wondering, thinking, and dozing in bed. Basking in each other.


End file.
